I feel stuck. I feel like I’ve been in the same chapter of my life for far too long and desperately want to move on but I can’t. What I chose to study takes 5 years to do and while I am in that fifth and hopefully final year, this year cannot go by fast enough. I am fed up. There I said it. Classes are about to resume and usually before the start of the academic year I like to set goals for myself. I like to challenge myself with respect to my studies but this year, I think the only thing I’m challenging myself to do is to get through this year without losing my damn mind.
I feel like I’ve been a student for far too long. And now I’m in a place where all my friends are finished with school, one of them already has a job and the others will be employed soon. And I’m here, still a student. I feel like there are so many things I want to do, so many things I want to achieve in my life and the idea of wasting a year in school seems totally absurd to me. I’ve been told countless times that what I learn in school is inadequate for how the profession works in the real world, so then why am I going? I just want to get out and move on.
I’ve lost my zeal for school. I haven’t even bought cute stationery for this semester, and that’s a big deal for me. I’ve always been “that girl.” You know her- that girl who always does her homework; that girl who always raises her hand to answers the questions, that girl who always reads ahead. Now, I just want to be “that girl who graduated.” I’m sure or at least I desperately hope once classes resume and assignments start coming in, I’ll regain my identity as that girl. Most likely I would because I’ve never been one to be happy with mediocrity.
One solution to my problem- patience. Yes, I want to do x, y and z but when I really break it down, if I was not in school, would I be able to do x,y and z now? The answer is no. I think nowadays we get so caught up in trying to achieve as much as we can in as little time as possible. Setting goals and working towards them are good things obviously. Likewise, taking that leap and just delving into that idea that you believe in is also a great. But sometimes we work with an obscure sense of time and when things don’t pan out on our time we feel defeated and maybe even give up. We always seem to feel that time is running out. Something that I had to keep telling myself is that things don’t happen on my own time. I have to constantly remind myself to be patient. Things will happen and God’s willing I’ll be able to achieve all that I want to and more but these things take time.
Another thing I have to tell myself- stay positive. I can’t go into a new academic year with this attitude. Nothing good can come from it. I have to remind myself that I have roughly 8 months left in this school so I should make the most of it. Maybe I won’t be excited about all my classes or eager to do the work but the fact of the matter is I have to do it. I have to tell myself “stop being a baby, go to school, do your work, make the best of it and succeed.” I have to go in with an open mind and who knows, maybe I’ll be surprised and I’ll get back my zeal.
I’ve also realised that my indifference is partially due to the fact that I don’t feel challenged anymore. I want to grow. So is school the only place where I can get challenges? NO! I’ve taken on a new challenge. I’m currently working on getting my body into the best shape it’s ever been. I want to be strong, gain muscle and get fit. I have challenged myself to train hard and eat healthy. I have no specific number in mind, I just want to see how good I can get. So far, I’ve been loving it.
If you’re feeling stuck and you really cannot leave the situation for whatever reason, try looking for that excitement or new challenge elsewhere (I mean something that will help you grow as a person, please don’t start drinking on my account). There is so much to do out there, so much to learn and we are blessed now since everything is online. There is so much you can do on the side to keep the passion alive in you. Also, if you can’t get out of your situation, you’re going to have to just make the most of it. Easier said than done but going into something with a negative attitude will only make things worse. Finally, patience. Realise that sometimes things take a while to take form so in the meantime, stay positive and keep working.